articles

Here you are at the articles page. This place to come for news. Not that boring War in Iraq and devastating natural disaster bullshit, real news like giant monster attacks and alien death fleet invasions.

Also contains news that affects me specifically. Why would you want news about me? Because when Christ comes back and names me his favorite golfing buddy and you ignored all of my incoherent rants who's fucking face will be red? If you have never heard a rant of mine, consider yourself lucky, as they rarely make sense and often cause mental trauma. On this page you get to witness first hand the crap I type, in its raw, pointless state. Just click on the links to visit each news item or rant. Be warned: There is a strong chance of confusion, mixed with a hearty portion of hilarity.

Decoding my phone: I get ideas for the site in all sorts of places, driving, sailing, rockclimbing, sex with your mother, driving, ninja. Mostly driving though. My enormous brain is so busy working on complex equasions far beyond mortal understanding, and watching mind porn, that I have no room in my head to store these ideas. So I store them in my phone. Then I forget about them. This is what happens when I re-read them a year later.

The RPG page: (coming soon) Throw on your Girdle of Resist Hilaritude and use your Enchanted mouse of +3 Clickosity to visit the RPG page. Read about the best and worst games of all time with me, a guy who owns more RPGs than you do cupcakes, fatty. Now with 7.3% more Ice Troll.

Me Times: The question I hear the most when I'm out and about is "Can you please stop touching my breasts and get away from me before I call the cops?". But assualt is not what Im hear to talk about today. Instead I will answer the question I hear second most: "How the fuck did you get to be so bitter, sarcastic and hilarious?". Answers inside! BONUS: Contains 2 extra articles which may or may not get me sued/skinned depending on who reads them.

Shortround: A few of my more recent ramblings to get the ball rolling. From the quality of these, it looks like the ball is rolling toward a pit filled with liquid shit and old re-runs of MASH.

The old stuff

This is stuff from years ago before I sold out. Preserved here as a living testament to how awesome I am. Feel free to read them, but be warned. As much as I'm a douchebag now, my douchebaggery was twice as powerful back in the day.

The Matrix Murders: Read about why lunatics are watching the popular movie, then killing randomly. Surprisingly, It's not Keanu's acting.

Transpero-girl: Scientists in Russia are baffled by a young girls x-ray vision. I'm baffled by her mothers insanity.

Cashathon 2003: Join me as I plan and scheme my way to swimming in piles of money and hookers. Get rich, the Imasen way.

Robot Rampage Part one: Part one of a two part story on the updated way in which science wants us dead.

Robot Rampage part two: Part two of a two part story on the dangers of science. Including a plan to save us all.

My new job: Follow the link to find out about my danger fraught first two weeks at my new place of employment.

Ever wanted to wear your dead relatives?: A new article about the disturbing news that for a large fee, you can have a ring made from your loved ones.

The Stereotype Squad: Part 1 The role call: Read this page for a introduction to the mercenary strikeforce I assembled to deal with the giant monster threat. Starring me, as the groups Asian Kung fu master. Part one of a running series.

How do you plead. "Your honor, I plead KARATE CHOP!": Come and witness lawmaking at its finest. The story of a man and his quest for battles to the death.

The story of the Bee: Staring me, as your crimefighting super journalist. Read about the uplifting story of a mans survival after 300,000 bee stings.

Ants: The invasion: Where have I been lately? Fighting the Unholy legions of Satan, otherwise known as ANTS! Or for the grammaticality inclined, ants.

The Punchsound: An observation on the sound of the eighties action film punchsound.

My day: What I did on Tuesday of last week.