about me

This is the page where you find out more about your host, me. Here you will learn about my amazing life. My childhood, raised by dingoes in the Australian outback. My adolescence, on the run from the law for a crime I didn't commit, and 17 I did. And my current adulthood, fighting a ninja-like guerilla war from the shadows against my dinosaur masters. Over the coming pages prepare to be shocked by tales of depravity, and maybe learn something about yourself in the process. Like how quickly it takes for you to pray for death. And with my stupendous literary skills, probably about 3 minutes.

I'd like to say I worked hard on this site but I actually used my advanced intellect to design and construct a Comedybot and it wrote it for me, before it turned evil and went back in time to kill Sarah Connor. Now if you will excuse me I have to go prepare for the robopocalypse.

I was going to have a links page right here. Why the fuck I would link to sites 50 billion times more popular and famous than mine will ever be? Maybe you woke up with amnesia and nothing but my url tattooed on your skin. If so, hey I'm the king of all the internet so send me all your money. I changed my mind though. Instead you can have my email and Facebook.

Also, if you were wondering, I look like a cross between James Bond and awesome.

Clicking on this link right here will take you to my new mini blog. Because I want to write as often as possible, but sometimes I can't access the funny quatdrent of my enormous super-brain, I will use this section to store all failure. Because I spend half my time in a white hot rage and they other half in crippling depression, this blog is likely to contain a vast amont of emo. I suggest that you don't read this section without first putting on some black eyeliner and turning on some Smiths music. You have been warned.

Because I'm to fucking lazy to do something original please enjoy this sum up quiz I stole from some noobs myspace.

The Basics

Name: Imasen.
Age: 26
Birth Place: Perth, Australia
Current Location: Undersea Bunker.
Occupation: I spend all my free time plotting both yours and the worlds now and future doom.


Appearance

Hair Color: Brown.
Eye Color: Brown.
My Best Physical Feature: I have a birthmark in the shape of Sean Connery eating a taco.
My Worst Physical Feature: It’s a chore to fend off the hordes of woman that throw themselves at my indescribable sexiness.

Personality

Righty or Lefty: I move objects with the power of my mind.
Zodiac: Capricorn.
My Fears: The inevitable end of the human race at the hands of Spacelord Zorgon. Also spiders.
Your Most Overused Phrase: No Jessica Alba I won’t have sex with you and your identical twin sister for the 4th time today, I’m in a committed relationship with the entire cast of Sapphic Erotica 6.
My Bedtime: Yeah I guess I’m some form time traveling superhero because I sleep at least 38 hours a day.
Bad Habits: I have seen the movie Bad Boys at least 47 times and I can’t stop watching it. Someone please help.
What Do You Drive?: I alternate between a Jetpack, hovercraft, space rocket and a Hyundai accent.

Tell us 3 things most people DON'T know about you:
1) I’m BATMAN.
2) I’m Michael Keaton.
3) I was designed by scientists to be the ultimate fantasy of woman worldwide.

Tell us 3 things you DON'T like:
1) The cookie monster. He freaks me the fuck out.
2) Dr. Pepper. It's like a party in my mouth, and someone invited Hobos!
3) The Amish.

Tell us something naughty: I've seen EVERY movie John Stamos was ever in, thus making me the world’s hottest man. After John Stamos I mean. I know that wasn’t naughty but what you are doing while picturing me in your head is.


Favorites

Soft Drink: I inject redbull directly into my cornea. It is truly the drink of the gods.
Coffee Drink: FrapamochacapaIcantstandcoffechino
Shoe Brand: Um, I don’t think I have ever given this question any thought whatsoever. I guess the type that you wear on your feet.
Clothing Brand: As a supervillian I’m usually attired in either a robot attack suit or some sort of shiny jumpsuit.
Sports Team: What is this sport you speak of?
Scent: Stupid generic name, by Calvin Klein.
Color: I’m colourblind so who the fuck knows what I’m looking at. Most of my clothes consist of black for this reason.
Food: Lots and at regular intervals.
Music: The death screams of the Innocent. Also the Pokemon theme song is the pinnacle of human achievement. I’m serious download it and listen. The dude singing is more serious about pokemon than I have never been about anything ever. It’s like his parents will die if he doesn’t convey his love for pokemon through the medium of the power ballad. Also I noticed when listening that every Japanese song ever, whether it needs it or not, has a kick ass guitar solo right in the middle for no reason.

Oh and I like Hip hop.


Do I...

Smoke: Do the smoking craters I plan to leave in place of all the worlds major cities count?
Cuss: Holy shit no I have never fucking sworn in my fucking life. Fuckers.
Type w/ Your Fingers on the Right Keys: You can probably tell by my nonsensical ramblings but I construct most of my posts by vigorously headbutting the keyboard.
Play an Instrument: The hollowed out shinbone of a lepricorn.
Cry Over Movies: The first time I watched a porno of Jenna Haze I cried. And everytime I watch Mad Max 2 I cry over the fact that there will never be a better movie made by a human being. Ever.


Future

Hope to Marry: Eliza Dushku
Want Kids (or more than you have now): Maybe some homeless ones to clean my Giant mansion.
Dream Career: Time traveling Crime fighter.
Place You'd Love to Visit: Living in Western Australia I have never seen snow. I want to go somewhere I can see some. Hopefully some near that healing chick from heroes.

Reading back through this quiz I just realized that I wrote more about pokemon than I have ever written about any other subject ever. That is both scary and horrifyingly scary in equal measure.